English as it is broken

A classic comedy! As they say, old is gold. Mind your language is hilarious.



Most of the episodes can be found on google videos.

5 indications that your tutor is lousy

1. He's just your problem-solver

It is important that he must be able to solve problems you encounter in the course of your schoolwork. But if he's just a miracle man who solves all your questions, you are missing out on the teaching aspect of the subject. Educating someone on a subject goes beyond solving his/her homework.

2. He asks you to use algebra to solve primary school maths problems

If he can't solve primary school maths problems using models (much less teach you to do it), he's just not good enough and you shouldn't be paying him.

3. You find yourself doing practice questions for the whole lesson duration

He probably came unprepared.

4. You hate the subject even more

A good tutor should be making the subject less hard than it seems.

5. He doesn't know the curriculum

Enough said.

Possible final exam questions for A Level

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.
Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.

Physics
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

Chemistry
You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)

Biology
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System circa 1750. Prove your thesis.

Art
Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.

Mathematics
Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s.

Music
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

General Knowledge
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.


and for those in university...

Medicine
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until you work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

Economics
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

Engineering
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision

History
Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

Physchology
Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

Political Science
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any.

Religion
Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.

Reference:
http://www.ahajokes.com/impossible.html

A note for students studying in public places

It was 6pm on a Saturday evening and I was in a McDonalds at Raffles City. The weather was pouring and the place was crowded. A group of 4 women, having just purchased their food, were stranded in the middle of the restaurant with trays-in-hand, but no available table. The women obviously weren't Singaporean and they looked like they were tourists visiting Singapore.

A McDonalds staff member immediately came to their assistance. He approached a group of 2 students who had their notes and textbooks sprawled over a four-seater table and told them to leave (politely of course). The students eventually did but I wondered if the women would develop an image of Singaporean students as being not-so-considerate.

The first thing that came to my mind was: what a bunch of airheads. Dinner-time. Saturday evening. McDonalds in City Hall. Studying whilst occupying seats meant to accommodate twice the number of people. You'll never get away with that.

However, I suddenly remembered a blog entry that I wrote in September (10 places to study other than at home) and it killed me to realize, that by listing fast-food restaurants as one of the alternate places to study, I was, to a tiny extent, actually propagating such inconsiderate behavior. Damn! And all I wanted to do was provide a list of alternative places to study for students who don't have a conducive home environment.

Lesson learnt: if you are one of those students who like to study in such places, be sure to exercise some discretion. While it is important to study hard for exams, it is also equally important to exercise basic social graces.

And if I were to add another suggestion, paying for membership to use the community center study rooms will actually be cheaper than buying multiple drinks in fast-food restaurants over the long haul.